You should work out more.
You should say yes to opportunities.
You should do what everyone else is doing—just to keep up.
For years, I measured myself against how other people seemed to live their lives. To be a successful business owner, I thought I should go to networking events. I felt I should put myself out there with videos to sell my services. And when I looked at how busy everyone seemed on weekends, I convinced myself I should also do a hundred things—so that on Monday I could prove I was interesting, educated, informed, fit, and social too.
The Weight of “Should”
Each “should” carried a quiet pressure. I wasn’t building joy—I was building a version of myself designed to impress others. And because I was constantly chasing approval, the more I tried to keep up, the more disconnected I felt from what I actually wanted.
Choosing Joy Instead
The truth is, most of those “shoulds” didn’t add value to my life. Instead, they drained it. For example, networking events left me exhausted, not energized. Meanwhile, forcing myself into trends or activities that didn’t feel right only pulled me further away from my own center.
Letting go of “shoulds,” however, gave me space to ask: What actually lights me up?
For me, it was long walks in nature, meaningful conversations, and creating work that felt true to my values—rather than what someone else’s highlight reel told me I was supposed to enjoy.
How to Notice Your Own “Shoulds”
Pay attention to the language in your head. If you often say “I should,” pause and ask, “Do I want this, or do I just feel pressured?”
Also notice when an activity leaves you drained rather than fulfilled.
And remember, joy doesn’t have to be productive. For example, reading a book for pleasure or spending a slow afternoon baking can matter more than any checklist item.
Exploring What You Really Want
Of course, letting go of “shoulds” doesn’t mean you instantly know what you do want. Sometimes the only way to figure it out is to experiment—at your own pace. You could try a new hobby just for fun, not for achievement. Or spend a day following your curiosity, even if it doesn’t look impressive to anyone else. Above all, give yourself permission to play, create, and explore without attaching it to a goal.
Because joy often reveals itself in small, unexpected ways—through creativity, rest, or simple moments that feel like yours alone.
Living Without the Noise of Comparison
Fitting in comes with its own kind of social pressure. Friends, colleagues, and even social media can make it seem like there’s only one “right” way to live—busy, polished, and always achieving. That pressure can feel heavy. However, the truth is, you don’t have to carry it.
Instead, staying true to yourself means choosing activities, rhythms, and relationships that support your well-being rather than just your image. It’s giving yourself the freedom to say no, even when others expect a yes. And it’s trusting that your life doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s to be meaningful.
When you stop trying to fit in, you start to belong to yourself. Therefore, that kind of belonging brings more energy, clarity, and joy than any “should” ever could.
If you’re curious about discovering joy on your own terms, you might like my piece on embracing your creativity without pressure. It’s another gentle reminder that you don’t have to fit into anyone else’s mold to live fully.